Fear

by Mathias Fuelling

Fear. Fear of absolutely everything. A dull, gnawing, frostbitten fear that covers you like an old drape, made more terrifying by way of its familiarity. Fear of answering the phone, fear of being seen, fear of driving, fear of eating, fear of dressing, fear of getting out of bed, fear of noise, fear of being told “I love you”, fear of life, fear of the color red, fear of coffee, fear of chairs, fear of death, fear of the gym, fear of being out of shape, fear of cold, fear of sweating, fear of being watched, fear of clouds, fear of bicycles, fear of pants, fear of being ignored, fear of history, fear of being stereotyped, fear of time, fear of being ugly, fear of sugar, fear of words, fear of the fear itself. Fear so strong and ever-present that to not be afraid was incredible, perverse, almost unthinkable. Fear of being perceived as attractive, fear of women, fear of boots, fear of not wearing hats, fear of politics, fear of intimacy, fear of cancer, fear of burns, fear of sex, fear of penises, fear of bears, fear of books, fear of plastic, fear of car fumes, fear of wind, fear of old people, fear of travel, fear of being a father, fear of lying, fear of metal, fear of clowns laughing, fear of nudity, fear of growing facial hair, fear of erectile dysfunction, fear of impotence, fear of being perceived as being afraid, fear of soy products, fear of smoke, fear of lead based paint, fear of urine, fear of detergent, fear of food, fear of recycling, fear of trucks, fear of crowds, fear of fear of being wet, fear of familiarity, fear of change, fear of eye contact, fear of gasoline, fear of the sun, fear of Vitamin D deficiency, fear of stupidity, fear of maturity, fear of dogs, fear of being cliché, fear of laughter, fear of young mothers, fear of neighbors, fear of being forgotten, fear of splinters, fear of ugly women acting like they’re attractive, fear of heights, fear of liquid, fear of nuclear war, fear of the military, fear of crew cuts, fear of short people, fear of basketball players, fear of gossip, fear of women with big asses, fear of death metal, fear of disco, fear of cocaine, fear of laced marijuana, fear of self, fear of others, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of high heels, fear of germs, fear of being arrested, fear of rape, fear of murder, fear of robbery, fear of evil, fear of hypocrisy, fear of the consequences of having integrity, fear of being institutionalized, fear of contacts, fear of remorse, fear of saline solution, fear of weakness, fear of guns, fear of siblings, fear of parents, fear of hospitals, fear of making a social faux pas, fear of tornadoes, fear of fat people, fear of becoming fat, fear of enthusiasm, fear of underwear, fear of poison ivy, fear of divorce, fear of showering, fear of knowledge, fear of libraries, fear of the sound of footsteps, fear of mediocrity, fear of mowing the lawn, fear of saying “hello”, fear of breaking a bone, fear of testicular cancer, fear of helping, fear of recognition, fear of never achieving a dream, fear of men in suits, fear of wearing a tie, fear of distinction, fear of dancing, fear of middle age, fear of falling leaves, fear of shopping, fear of Evangelical Christians, fear of asking a girl out, fear of the Chinese language, fear of nerds, fear of capitalism, fear of advertising, fear of being bullied, fear of reading, fear of indecision, fear of lack of bloodflow, fear of falling asleep, fear of waking up, fear of praying, fear of meditating, fear of smiling, fear of spending money, fear of prostitutes, fear of the state of New York, fear of tennis, fear of poetry, fear of writing, fear of briefcases, fear of Wall Street, fear of holiness, fear of going to church, fear of God. Fear. Fear of absolutely everything. Fear of watches, fear of wedding rings, fear of distant relatives, fear of going to class, fear of cooking, fear of lifting weights, fear of being strong, fear of noticing, fear of shadows, fear of ghosts, fear of cologne, fear of the dark, fear of fried food, fear of weirdness, fear of decay, fear of bad haircuts, fear of hate, fear of mockery, fear of breathing, fear of trees, fear of mud, fear of mustaches, fear of French fries, fear of hyperthyroidism, fear of tattoos, fear of empty spaces, fear of paper, fear of gum, fear of radiation, fear of acne, fear of not understanding quantum physics, fear of Nietzsche, fear of Cioran, fear of Christ, fear of being manic depressive, fear of obsession, fear of horses, fear of vaginas, fear of Freudianism, fear of religion, fear of diamonds, fear of cats, fear of being lost, fear of bad spelling. Fear.